As many of you know, we are in the middle of a major kitchen renovation. We are no strangers to renovating, as my husband is a contractor & master licensed plumber and this is our 5th major reno in the 5 years we've owned our home, during all of which I've either been pregnant or both pregnant & caring for a little one.
The other day I had a rather emotional conversation on the phone with my husband during lunch, getting updates on a few different pieces of the puzzle as far as the progress of our kitchen was going and I began just feeling so overwhelmed and discouraged. Renovating while taking care of two kids can be trying at times. It is definitely a season that requires extra patience and grace -- for all of us.
After I hung up the phone Olivia could tell I was visibly upset; she walked over to me, put her arms around me and as her soft curls brushed my face she quietly said, "I know, Mama, I know" as if she completely understood every emotion I was feeling, as if no one in the entire world got it more than she did. My little girl, the one who made me a Mama, comforting me so wholeheartedly. Before I could even respond, in the perfect way that she does, she began singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star," the song we sing to Poppy whenever she's crying -- in the hopes that it would have the same effect on me as it does for her.
In that moment -- that messy and real and raw moment -- all of a sudden, despite how things looked from my perspective, all I could see & feel was magic. A moment so special that your heart totally and completely bursts and you are certain you've existed your whole life to experience. Those are the moments you live for, the ones that remind you that every single thing you are doing as a Mom is worth it. The day to day routines and responsibilities, the mundane tasks that seem so insignificant on the surface, the minutes that turn into hours & hours that turn into days & days that turn into weeks into months into years of selfless love and sacrifice for your child or children, sometimes all while wondering if it matters. If what you're doing and the choices you're making and the lessons you're teaching and the words you're speaking...if it matters or if it's sinking in. Or if you're making a difference at all. Or if you're doing it right or falling short or failing altogether.
But through all that wondering and questioning and uncertainty, when you least expect it, everything comes together in the most magical moment.
In a moment when you experience your 3 year old singing a song to you that she knows to sing to her little sister when she's sad. In a moment when you hear your first baby telling your second baby that she can share her blanket and bear while they eat breakfast together in bed. In a moment when your daughter throws her arms around you and says "Love you, Mama" for no reason. In a moment when you look into your child's eyes and see that you were created to be their Mom; you were made to love them forever. In a moment when they light up at the sight of you or so effortlessly fall asleep nestled in your arms or reach for you when you're near because they feel safe beside you. In a moment you just get to sit back and watch them live and explore, accomplishing something new or discovering the beautiful world around them, seeing everything through their eyes and the perfect way they see it. Those moments? They are pure magic. They are the real magic of motherhood.
For those of you who are moms, you're probably already aware that motherhood isn't always glamorous. To be honest more often than not, it's far from it. But what it is made up of -- the day to day tasks of diaper changing & hair brushing & meal making & tear drying & hand holding & book reading & back rubbing & softly speaking & gently reminding & often repeating & always praying & endlessly loving -- are moments delicately laced with magic. You just have to look close enough to see them.
My days are filled with more & more magic moments -- "heaven moments" as we call them in our home, moments so good you can hardly believe you get to experience them this side of heaven -- the more I look for them. When I keep my eyes and ears and heart open, on the lookout for moments like that, I find them. When I am present, I find them. When I push my to-do list aside and set my phone down and forget about what could or should be done and instead focus on my daughters, I find them. Over and over I find them. And over and over my heart fills with gratitude for each and every one, no matter how small or simple they seem. And at the end of the day I reflect on each moment, often sharing with Dustin my favorites as he shares his favorites with me. We lay in bed completely in awe at the fact that our beautiful daughters create so much magic without even realizing it, and that we have the gift of experiencing it all.
That's the real magic of being motherhood. And it makes everything else motherhood entails -- even the hardest parts -- worth it.